My fiance and I are having a money tree at our reception, and I want everyone’s honest opinion about this (although I’ve already read over most of your comments and have a pretty good idea what your opinion is….). I feel that our ‘money tree’ is a little different than a lot of these horror stories I’ve been reading…. Where I’m from, the trend is for the engaged couple to ‘register’ themselves at certain locations (the most popular being; Bed bath and beyond, Target, Wal-Mart, Best Buy, etc…). So basically the couple picks out all the things they want from that store(s), compiles a list of the wanted items (typically the list can be anywhere from 10-30 pages with pictures and details), and the invited guests go to wherever they are registered and buys one of those gifts that has been picked out by the couple for the couple. Most (if not all) the announcements I’ve ever seen have this printed on them “The couple is registered at…..” My fiance and I have been single long enough that we don’t need anymore blenders or crockpots – we have what we need in that area – but I’ll be honest, WE ARE POOR!! We had heard of a money tree and thought it was a good alternative, but decided that we’d change it a little bit to make it seem less ‘tacky’. What we did was ordered some small glossy business cards along with our announcements that have directions to the reception location on one side and the other side reads: “In lieu of registering, the couple has chosen the gifting tradition of a ‘Money Tree’. It will be available to those who wish to participate.” At the reception we plan to have a very small discreet ‘money tree’ set up on a table next to a card holder/box…… I know it may be considered poor etiquette, but I definitely think it’s a little more tastful than “Hey go to this place and buy me all the gifts I’ve already picked out for myself….”
Comments?
Seems passable to me from a manners point of view – but I would most certainly not be putting any money in it. However, are you going to know whom to thank for what.
I think money trees are the best, and I agree with u with your statement about telling people to go to certain stores and then they pick off a list……..that to me is totally impersonal. A newly married couple needs a helping hand when they are starting out, and money is the most helpful for that. Its not like u are telling people there is a minimum amount they have to put, umm yes that would be rude. Don’t worry about what others think so much anyhow……..it’s your day and u should do what u want not what u think others should expect. Money trees are perfectly acceptable in todays society and usually the preferred method for the newly married couple and there guests. Good luck with everything.
i agree a gift registry is extremely crass and rude, where i am it is more conventional to have a wishing well to help with the set up costs of a household. most couples use a line or two of poetry to announce that they are having a wishing well on the invite and it is acceptable for guests who don’t want to contribute money to bring a gift that has been negotiated with the bride or groom
There are 4 types of people (wedding guests):
1.) Think registering for and requesting certain gifts is OK (or great), but asking for any form of cash is tacky.
2.) Think that asking for *any* specific gift (cash or item) is tacky.
3.) Think that anything goes, and it’s OK to register for gifts and/or ask for cash (I.e. Presentation wedding).
4.) Could care less and give a rat’s @$$ either way.
I personally used to be a 1.), until I really applied logic and thought about it. How is it any less tacky to ASK for a specific gift (I.e. a $250 toaster) than it is to “request” a cash gift? It’s still demanding and dictating what someone should give you! Think about it!
Now, I am more of a cross between a 2), 3), and a 4). I’ll admit, I still cringe when I see “Presentation” on a wedding invite, but hey, they are bothering to invite me to *their* wedding. Why should they be forced to register for a bunch of gifts they *don’t need*?! People nowadays have typically been living on their own for some time before they get married. I also don’t HAVE to give cash, just like people don’t HAVE to use a registry. But I usually do, because it’s easier for me,and the couple could probably use the cash anyway. I usually give $200 no matter what the couple decides. I hate shopping off registries for various reasons, and I never use those either. A gift is a gift, and no one should feel forced either way. I definitely see your logic, and I in fact commented on this in some of my previous more recent answers.
Personally, I don’t give two hoots anymore what a couple does. We didn’t have any official registry, and we got mostly cash gifts and about 35% “item” gifts. We had 3 houses between us before marriage, so yes we got some things we never even took out of the box, but we had nothing we could have registered for anyway, so it didn’t matter either way. Some people simply will always get the couple certain gifts for weddings, and we expected that. For example, a cousin always gets each couple for each wedding she attends a specific type of pan. Everyone gets that pan. It’s just what she likes to give. We didn’t care either way. We were happy to get anything, and even happier that we didn’t feel forced to ASK for more kitchenware.
What *I* would do if I were you: Do NOT bother to make an issue out of you not registering. Just don’t register period. Most guests will likely give you money anyway because it’s easy for them, and those who want to buy a specific gift will. I would not bother with the “money tree” idea at all, unless this is custom to your culture (I have no idea, money trees and dances are unheard of where I live). If that is the case, and you feel that you “must” have it, simply make a little card at the reception that explains the cultural significance and why you chose this. That should cover anyone who may be put off by it. And they still don’t have to use it, so let them whisper and move on.
My opinion, for better or for worse!
P.S. I do follow the rule that says that “gift” info should be from word of mouth and shower invites, NOT anywhere with the invitation.
This question has been asked in many forms. What it boils down to, is no matter how nice or cute you try to be about it, YOU ARE STILL ASKING FOR MONEY. The reason why gift registries are accepted is because they are merely suggestions, and the giver feels good about buying something the couple will use. (By the way, it is poor manners to include gift registry information in the invitation– same goes for requests for money.)
If I was your guest, I would be rolling my eyes and thinking how tacky and tasteless this couple is.
If you dont register, most of your guests will figure that you have everything you need and give you money. Give your guests a little credit for their common sense. Dont be blatant by setting up a tree– honey there is nothing “discreet” about that.
Ok, from an etiquette point of view, any mention of gifts at all in a wedding invite is a huge, colossal, no no. The most polite way to inform your guests that you’d rather they gift you with cash than gifts is to have friends and family spread the word. If you have a wedding website, that information can go there.
I would also do away with the “money tree” for the simple matter of security. Most money trees I’ve seen have guests paper clip bills to the branches–you’re going to have to have someone standing over it all night long, that’s not much fun for that person. You’re not going to want to leave cash literally laying around, that’s asking for someone to take it. As far as a box for cards (and gift cards/cash) you need to have someone watching that as well, but you need to have the box emptied regularly and the cards put in either a locked room or a locked car. After the reception gets going, and most guests have arrived, I’d simply remove the box period. I’ve heard horror stories of someone walking into a wedding reception, and grabbing the box and are out the door before anyone realizes what’s going on. Be aware that wedding receptions are a natural target for thieves, and make certain to protect yourself (and your guests!).
As far as registering, I’d suggest you register for a few things anyway, because there’s always someone who doesn’t approve of giving cash as a gift. You say you have the kitchen goodies you need, what about registering for some fun stuff? Maybe a cool set of glassware, or a BBQ set, or some really nice sheets with a high thread count, etc.?
Congrats on your upcoming wedding and best wishes to you!
I would not put the notice in the card, just make the tree available and maybe a small book below it for anyone who wants to sign that they donated so you will know whom to thank. You can spread the word with family members. When one person sees another attaching money to the tree, others will join in. And guests will talk beforehand about gifts, etc. Or you could have one person listed on the invitation to handle RSVP and that person would likely receive all the gift questions and could handle that issue.
Etiquettely speaking, it is rude to mention any gifts in your invitation, whether it’s a gift registry or a money tree. It would be better to spread your wishes vie word of mouth or a wedding website.
However, you need to consider your audience. If you have a lot of extended family coming, especially the types that try to find offense in everything, you had better not mention a money tree in your invitation. If it’s a small gathering, and everyone pretty much knows your situation, I don’t see anything that wrong with it. When my SIL got married it was very small (30 people) and since she and her husband were moving to another state the week after, they put the money tree in her invitation. I knew it wasn’t proper, but I wasn’t deeply offended or anything.
I think the most important thing for you to realize is that no one is obligated to bring any gift, and some people will want to bring a non-monetary gift no matter what. Don’t be one of those brides that hands gifts back to the giver because they aren’t money! I’m not saying you would do that, but unfortunately some people do.
By the way, with my SIL’s money tree, there were no issues with security (small backyard wedding), and no issues with who gave what because everyone brought checks or at least money in an envelope with a card.
I agree with you. I have never thought it was very classy to even register for gifts. I think it puts too much pressure on people. Where I am from, wishing wells, money trees and treasure chests are now becoming very popular and are deemed quite appropriate. Being an Aussie though, we are much more laid back when it comes to etiquette. I like the way you have worded your little cards. I think it’s tasteful as you have made it very clear that your guests are in no way obligated to participate. In saying all that, many people will always think it’s tacky. Many people don’t understand that you don’t really require the knife block, the toaster or the coffee plunger.
I think if this is going to work for you then go for it!
We are doing something similar and I don’t really care what anyone thinks about it. No one is obligated to give us anything at all. They all know this and most people who rsvp’d said they prefered to do this as they know we will put it toward what we really want… A down payment for a new home. You are never going to please everyone. Some will always be whingers. Have a beautiful wedding.
i think its a great idea,why should ppl come to your wedding and not bring a gift, i mean its helping you starting a new life together , gifts are ok but what if youdont like what they give you, ….
This is what we used for our wedding and it worked no problems
A Wedding Gift Suggestion
We’ve been together for quite a while now
We have lots of pots, pans, linen and towels,
Glasses and toasters – of some more than two
So instead of more gifts, may we suggest to you:
If it doesn’t offend, and you don’t think it funny
What we’d appreciate is quite simply – money.
We know choosing gifts can be such a pain;
And this way there’s no risk of bringing the same !
Rather than paper, ribbons and bows to unravel,
Please consider a voucher from “Travel Centre”.
A small amount would make us both smile.
And take our honeymoon that extra mile.
Our love and thanks come with this request,
Of course it up to you to decide what is best.
Of course you can omit what you don’t want, good luck
The cards from the stores to which you are referring are for shower invitations and NOT for the wedding itself.
NO mention of gifts goes in your wedding invitation. Period.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again….All attempts at raising money at weddings are just hideous. Whatever happened to graciously accepting whatever your guests deem appropriate to gift?
Here’s a shocker….at our wedding we did NOT have a dollar dance, a money tree, or anything else and guess what-we still received cash as gifts!
Gifts (money or otherwise) should not be mentioned with invites at all. Even “the couple requests no gifts” isn’t appropriate because it implies that gifts are expected. Gifts are optional, not requirements.
If you hadn’t registered anywhere, guests usually get the hint that you would prefer money. Also there is word of mouth. You could have saved a few dollars instead of ordering those tacky business cards.
I had never heard of a money tree or a money dance until I came on Yahoo!Answers..my family does not do that.
I accepted the gifts that we were given and was grateful for what ever it was.